Genetic Bitch Venom

I hate Rosie so much sometimes and its the most guilty, stressful, angry kind of hatred. Mainly because she's my sister. There are days (I must admit haven't had one in a while... since I was 10) where I want to be exactly like her. I looked up to her - my presentation entitled "My Idol" in year 7 was all about her. But now, I just want to grab her absolutely perfect nose and twist it until she is far beautiful because she doesn't deserve to be. Its not fair on everyone else. I've seen it time and time again - she lures people in with her charming looks and façade personality. Only after years of knowing her will she no longer care about what you think and strike with her bitch venom. I do love her, of course I do, I love the 6-years-ago Rosie. I don't think I am going to want to have her in my life when I'm older. I can barely handle being around her without accidently producing a tear of rage and having to leave the room. I keep thinking about why she is like this. Is it an oldest child thing? Is it because of her involvement in my parents divorce? Is it because she went to the bitchiest private girls school on the planet? Hmm I think maybe that could be it. Well, it's probably that, because I have a theory. She is so beautiful, she attracts other beautiful people as friends and beautiful people are usually not v nice because people adore them so they never have to develop a personality and automatically expect everyone to adore them. Thus, she is surrounded by horrible people and eventually becomes one as we absorb those around us. If anyone actually reads this, they're going to think, from reading that my sister is beautiful, I am jealous and that is the cause of my hatred. I guess that's a part of why I hate her. I cant be jealous because I don't want to be anything like her. I think someone else, with an actual human heart, would deserve an attractive face like hers. No one understands either. My friends don't like her because they can see what a bitch she is when they come round to my house. But they don't want to say anything bad about her because they're scared of her (her beauty). Mum and dad know, I think it's rooted a bit deeper in dad but they both know she's a bitch. They've both said at one point but neither of them will talk to me about it to ease the pain because they have to avoid saying bad stuff about their own kid. Mum has sat with me whilst I cried a few times. Mum is v understanding and supportive and she will never give up on her child. Fraser's similar, he says things like "she's totally out of order". I go straight for "fuck that bitch". Writing this out doesn't make me feel better like most of my problems. It makes me feel worse- I don't want to hate my own sister. Life would be so much easier if we got along. SHES MY SISTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD this is so messed up. WHy do I hate her. I am worried she'll ever find out. That I actually l o a t h e her. It will come up one day, when I finally realise its time I owed her the honesty of "I do not enjoy being around you and for that reason I never wish to contact you again. All the best."

I think the stress comes from quietly knowing I am very similar to her.