Parent - Teacher Evening

I've got parent's evening tonight- where I must sit between my parents and each teacher to discuss non other than me. What Am I Supposed To Say? When they praise me- "Thank you" and when they criticise me- "Sorry". I wish I didn't have to go but it's apparently vital this year as I must choose three A level subjects that will basically decide my life afterwards. How does anyone make that decision. It's so permanent!
I really wish some of the teachers would ask me my opinion of them and how I feel they have performed as a teacher this year. Then I could say (to one teacher in particular) "Well you're a bit of a knob really. To be fair, you're middle-aged with a kid but still, that doesn't mean I resist resentment towards you-I'm not that understanding. You pick your favourites in the class- which is a natural tendency and all teachers do- but yours are usually the loud students because they take the least effort to get to know. It's damn-right lazy and disrespectful." I know who my favourite teacher is- Miss Browman because she actually thinks I'm clever and is encouraging. I got off to a bit of a rough start with her though- I always do with the young ones. I guess I get confused and treat them like a friend because they're so close in age. You can never let on that you like a teacher though because it ruins everything and most teachers are weird and uncomfortable about the professional student-teacher relationship. To be honest, I don't know where the boundaries are myself.

I Want A Motorbike So Bad

I wish I had a boyfriend who had a motorbike and he took me to the beach whenever and it was really great

Genetic Bitch Venom

I hate Rosie so much sometimes and its the most guilty, stressful, angry kind of hatred. Mainly because she's my sister. There are days (I must admit haven't had one in a while... since I was 10) where I want to be exactly like her. I looked up to her - my presentation entitled "My Idol" in year 7 was all about her. But now, I just want to grab her absolutely perfect nose and twist it until she is far beautiful because she doesn't deserve to be. Its not fair on everyone else. I've seen it time and time again - she lures people in with her charming looks and façade personality. Only after years of knowing her will she no longer care about what you think and strike with her bitch venom. I do love her, of course I do, I love the 6-years-ago Rosie. I don't think I am going to want to have her in my life when I'm older. I can barely handle being around her without accidently producing a tear of rage and having to leave the room. I keep thinking about why she is like this. Is it an oldest child thing? Is it because of her involvement in my parents divorce? Is it because she went to the bitchiest private girls school on the planet? Hmm I think maybe that could be it. Well, it's probably that, because I have a theory. She is so beautiful, she attracts other beautiful people as friends and beautiful people are usually not v nice because people adore them so they never have to develop a personality and automatically expect everyone to adore them. Thus, she is surrounded by horrible people and eventually becomes one as we absorb those around us. If anyone actually reads this, they're going to think, from reading that my sister is beautiful, I am jealous and that is the cause of my hatred. I guess that's a part of why I hate her. I cant be jealous because I don't want to be anything like her. I think someone else, with an actual human heart, would deserve an attractive face like hers. No one understands either. My friends don't like her because they can see what a bitch she is when they come round to my house. But they don't want to say anything bad about her because they're scared of her (her beauty). Mum and dad know, I think it's rooted a bit deeper in dad but they both know she's a bitch. They've both said at one point but neither of them will talk to me about it to ease the pain because they have to avoid saying bad stuff about their own kid. Mum has sat with me whilst I cried a few times. Mum is v understanding and supportive and she will never give up on her child. Fraser's similar, he says things like "she's totally out of order". I go straight for "fuck that bitch". Writing this out doesn't make me feel better like most of my problems. It makes me feel worse- I don't want to hate my own sister. Life would be so much easier if we got along. SHES MY SISTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD this is so messed up. WHy do I hate her. I am worried she'll ever find out. That I actually l o a t h e her. It will come up one day, when I finally realise its time I owed her the honesty of "I do not enjoy being around you and for that reason I never wish to contact you again. All the best."

I think the stress comes from quietly knowing I am very similar to her.

Weird

Relationships are weird because the two people are only together because they should be with someone. They’ve happened to choose that person but if they weren’t with them, they’d just be with somebody else. It’s not as hunky-dory as: they are with them because they like them. Having a partner is part of society’s acceptance and biological routine-everyone needs one. It’s so messed up I don't want to take part.

UGHHHHHHh HOW DID IT GET TO THIS.
   

Problem:

Why is mum still with Nigel??? Why is Fraser still with Danny???? Why would anyone settle for shit? Don’t even settle. My mum has changed since she’s been with Nigel- his annoying turn of phrase, unnaturally sickening small talk and mannerisms have rubbed off on her. Lately she hasn’t been much; least of all an inspiration to go get what I deserve in life SERIOUSLLY. They’re both just scared they’ll end up alone. They truly believe they’re each other’s last chance at a hand to hold when that’s all they can do. I’ll be that hand mum. I was so excited when she broke up with him. I thought I’d never have to answer the question “How was school?” again. But then I was utterly supporting whilst truly devastated when she gave him another chance. Silvia and dad have had a similar situation. He wanted to move to South London with(out us) her but she dumped him and is moving to kent or something idk but we “get to”/can only visit Javier (half bro) on weekends. Then dad turned around and said “Hey how would you feel about me and your mum getting back together?” FFFF.. What? I am actually not certain how I feel about that. Except chaotic. Tangled. WTAF. Could you have decided this sooner? Maybe before the oh yeah DIVORCE that turns out only happened because you’re both money obsessed. Of course this is all in his head, mums back with Nigel so I shouldn’t waste my thoughts debating it. I am just wishing that my parents could stop acting like minors and really mean it when they’re with someone otherwise don’t be with them. All they want is a fuck buddy to satisfy their needs- they’re like cave men. You know how when you’re younger you think everything is going to be ok, in the end. On the news you never take things seriously because you figure that SOMEONE out there--out of all the brains there are--someone will sort it out. At least I thought that way. I thought every adult had sense and wisdom, would way up every decision, would always be moral and consider everyone involved and be steps ahead of everyone else. But they’re not, at all. They let you down and sometimes is YOU that was meant to fix it.
  

Problem:

I confuse my dad; we are so opposite and I get butterflies when I see him and I’m so scared of what to say. I never get a good reaction so I don’t try anymore. It’s never what I should have said. I wish we could have what we had when I was 9 but that’s gone. I used to feel so comfortable with him but that’s gone. And it’s too late, too much has happened, we’ve missed too much of each other’s lives and we’re too different now. I love him so much and I wish I didn’t have him.